god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it's like iHOP with fire
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
