my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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