The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
