:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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