OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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