I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
