If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
smell my finger.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
