bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
