I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
