Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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