you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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