that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
