i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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