I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
