The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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