I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
