Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
