We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
