I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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