I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
