...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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