Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
