i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
