The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want a musical about memes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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