im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
