No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
