theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
