Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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