just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i've created a new STD.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
