i need an iv and a liver transplant
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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