I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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