she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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