he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
