My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
