I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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