I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
