she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
