I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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