Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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