Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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