Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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