cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm like, not good at living.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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