I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
