Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think my tv is drunk
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
