1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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