I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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