Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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