I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
