i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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