i already hear my dad disowning me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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