Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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