Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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