His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
