I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
